Group dynamics

I remember a professor,commenting on the 12 disciples, reminding seminary students that in any group of 12, one will betray you, another will deny he ever knew you existed and the rest will desert you. He said it light-heartedly and yet with a point that people can, and will, disappoint us. (It is important also to be reminded that we also disappoint others).

Early in Jesus ministry, He was cautious about the faith people expressed in Him (But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. He did not need man’s testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man. - John 2:24-25).

In spite of these realities, Jesus taught us to love others (our neighbors) as ourselves and the Apostle Paul frequently (22 times, if I recall correctly) described how we are to relate to one another. What Jesus and Paul taught is that loving others has nothing to do with being loved in return. Jesus loved the 12 knowing full well that they would desert, betray and deny Him - and these were the ones who “loved” Him.

Because we are by nature self-centered and we live in a culture that values and promotes the idea of serving self, we typically approach relationships by looking for what they are going to do for us. When our needs aren’t met, we move on, looking for more satisfying relationships.

In the context of a group, if everyone is there for what they can get from it, the group will soon be drained. BUT if everyone who comes to the group looks for what they can contribute, there is life and energy and a sense of fulfillment.

Will we ever catch on to Jesus’ concept of selflessness - of truly loving as ourselves?

 

Was Jesus gentle?

I was in a men’s prayer group yesterday and we were praying through Philippians 4:5 (Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.). One of the men said that he really needed prayer because he was having difficulty being gentle with his teen son. One of the other men tried to encourage him by telling him that there are times when we can’t be gentle and cited the incident of Jesus over-turning the tables of the money-changers.

This morning I was reading in First Timothy 1, where Paul says that an overseer is not to be violent but gentle.

Do the scriptures teach one thing and Jesus practice another?

Is there a time to not be gentle?

 

Different strides

I have been attending a pastors’ prayer summit this week. Nearly 50 pastors together for three and half days - worshiping and praying for each other. Each man struggling with different issues in their lives - fears, discouragement and disappointments.

Each man at different stages in their journey. During the week I had opportunity to go for my usual morning run which prompted me to reflect on last week’s “race.” One of the things I noticed in the race was the amazingly different strides. Some runners had long smooth strides and others ran with short, choppy strides. Some leaned forward and others ran tall. Each was different and yet they all ran - most of them ahead of me. They were all in the race and all determined to finished. Only a few were focused on finishing ahead of everyone else. Most were focused on finishing - perhaps doing well in their own age bracket.

Disciples of Jesus are a bit like that - each is running with a different stride-different pace-different style. What marks them is that they are definitely in the race and they are striving with all their might to finish and to finish well. As one trying to encourage and train disciples, I am learning that they still must run their race. Some will run faster than others. Some will run differently. What I am watching is to make certain they stay in the race and that they run with a determination to finish and finish well.

 

Running alone - together

I sort of ran my first 1/2 marathon in more than ten years. “Sort of ran” means I didn’t do nearly as well as I had planned or hoped - in other words, I ran much slower than I was expecting. My legs began to cramp badly between mile 8 and 9 and cramped periodically the rest of the race. By mile 12 it felt like I was running on cramped legs. That is not intended to be an excuse - just a description of the experience. Perhaps the slower pace allowed time to do more reflection.

Running is such a private - personal endeavor. Even in the middle of a race with hundreds of others I ran most of the race alone (not because I was last) because we all ran at different paces. No one ran at exactly the same pace as I ran.

Nearly all of the preparation for the race was run alone - early mornings, late afternoons, in the dark, rain or sunny day - alone. It was encouraging to see other runners out each day but the effort was a lone effort.

As I ran the race, it was great to have other runners on the same route; trying to accomplish much the same thing - finish in the best time possible.

Hebrews compares our journey as disciples to running a race. Once again, it is great encouragement to have others running the same race but it is still an individual race. No one is growing at quite the same pace I am growing. No one experiences quite the same pain that I experience.

This faith journey, though intended to be run with others in the body of Christ still has a very individual element to it. No one else can run my race. I can run with others but I must run my race, at my pace.

Twice in the race on Saturday I tried to keep pace with two other runners - friends of mine. I found I had to continue to tell myself to run my race - my pace. Their pace helped to spur me on but I couldn’t keep up with them. In my faith journey, I see those who seem to be spiritual giants - some who have traveled longer than I; some who have faced greater obstacles. Their faith seems so strong. It is tempting to envy the faith of others. Yet I must run this race at my pace. I can’t run with their faith but with mine - trusting the Lord to bring be to the finish line just fine - in His time.

 

Tackling Hills

It seems that every direction from my house is uphill. Hills that you never notice when you are driving a car are very evident to a person on foot. The community has recently built new, paved trails near our home. So I have some new places to run. The old road is still available and it now has a trail a long side of it. But with all the new trails, there are new possibilities.

Regardless of which route I take, I begin uphill. For the old route, the first 1/2 mile was nearly all uphill and for the new route, it is nearly a mile. As I drove along the trails recently to estimate distances and turnaround spots, it seemed that the trails were fairly level - that perhaps they had lowered some of the hills.

Then I ran the new trail for the first time - the hills are still there. None of them are steep - just long, slow inclines. I noticed something the other day. I was on one of those long inclines but had become lost in thought. My eyes were watching the trail in front of me. I actually wasn’t aware I was on the incline until I happened to raise my eyes to look for a landmark I knew should be near.

I was surprised twice - first by the realization that I was on a hill and secondly that I had gone as far as I had. The next time I ran, I tried my best to simply look at the trail in front of me and now at the length of the hill. As I took one stride at a time, it wasn’t long until I was over the top of the hill and the effort didn’t seem that great.

When I look ahead and see the length and grade of a hill, I get tired before I take the first step. It is as though I try to tackle the entire hill in my mind when I can only take one step at a time.

We all face imposing obstacles - tasks we think we cannot do; crises we think we cannot face; hills we think we cannot climb. While it may be important to know the size of the task, the impact of the crisis, or the size of the hill, we can’t tackle it all at once. We can only go a step at time.

When Jesus told the disciples to go and make disciples of all nations it must have seemed like an impossible task. The only way to tackle the job was one disciple at a time. It is the same today.

 

Chasing lions

Some of my thinking about making waves (see yesterday’s post) has been fueled by a book - In a Pit with a Lion on Snowy Day : How to Survive and Thrive when Opportunity Roars by Mark Batterson. King David had several valiantmen around him - in a sense they were body guards - referred to as David’s “mighty men.” One of them was Benaiah. There are only a couple of verses given to Benaiah and mostly they tell of his exploits. It seems that one day - a snowy day - Benaiah chased a lion into a cave or pit and killed the lion.

The Scriptures only devote a couple of verses to Benaiah, but those verses gave birth to a book - a good book - a challenging book.

It is a book about facing fears, accepting challenges, and seizing opportunities. It challenges readers to move out of the harbor (yesterday’s post) and seek those opportunities that God places there for us.

He talks about collecting experiences rather than possessions - seeking new experiences - not always playing it safe - taking those steps of faith.

If I stay in the harbor or out of the Lion pit (which is where I am much more comfortable) I will miss much of what God has for me. I’m not chasing any lions that I know of but if there is one that needs to be chased, I want the courage to chase him into a pit and the faith to come out the winner.

 

Don’t make waves

There is a river that empties into Lake Michigan at South Haven. It is lined with beautiful boats. As the sign indicates, there are rules for making the passage from their place of mooring to the lake and back. One of those rules is that they are to travel at a speed that does not create a wake (really slow). Standing on the walkway beside the river you can see huge cabin cruisers, a tall ship, and small fishing craft all operating under the same rule. Once they hit the lake, sails go up, the rpms on motors increase and wakes are created.

The lonely seagull on the sign appeared like a sentry watching the boats go back and forth in this channel leading to and from the open waters. He (it) was a bit of a helpless sentry - not much a seagull could do if a boater created a wake.

We have all heard someone caution “don’t make waves.” It is the voice of the peace-keeper who wants everything to remain calm - a bit like the seagull sitting on the sign monitoring the level of the wake.

Through the years great things have happened because people were willing to make waves - America would not have been born if key people had not made waves. The Civil Rights movement would not have happened if key leaders had played it safe and not made waves.

Jesus made waves - he upset the status quo - taught some redical ideas - overturned tables in the temple area - hung out with the wrong crowd.

I like those safe havens - ports where we can rest from the wakes of relationships and conversations but we can’t stay in the no wake zone and expect to experience all that God has for us or accomplish all He has called us to do.

So I’m heading out to open waters…

 

On being the church

I have been wrestling with what it means to “be” the church. For years the focus has been on being relevant so that we could attract unchurched people to our services. The ultimate goal was getting people to attend the week-end services. It has been our measure of success. If we have more at the week-end services this year than we had last year, we are deemed successful.

We have flirted with the idea that our true measure of effectiveness is the number of conversions per year - the number of people who have decided to follow Jesus and turn from their old life. However, that number had gotten buried in the quest for the attendance record.

There is no question that the number showing up at the various functions of the church is one way of measuring effectiveness. The number of people deciding to trust Christ is certainly another.

One of the problems with this measurement is that it measures the corporate progress. It doesn’t necessarily reflect the spiritual, emotional, or relational vitality of those who attend those church functions.

• Are people being transformed? Do they respond more and more like Christ in conflict situations? Do they handle stress and pressure with grace? Are they truthful and ethical? Are they faithful in relationships?
•  Are they becoming more selfless? Are regularly looking for ways to alleviate the suffering of those around them?
• Are they looking at the world through Christ’s eyes? Rather than being critical of the world, its values and lifestyles, do they pray for neighbors and loved ones? Do they look for opportunities to share they hope they have in Christ.
• Are they able to distinguish between going to church and being the church? Is their ministry primarily about what happens inside the walls or is it what they do daily - their interactions at school, work and in the neighborhood?

Perhaps what fueled my thoughts was a brief bit of news I saw this morning about one of the morning shows going “on the rail” - literally broadcasting from a train. They talked about the months of planning, the special train car to house the equipment to receive signals, etc. Dollar signs flashed through my mind. I wondered what might be done with all of that money.

We spend a lot of time and energy preparing for a week-end service. I believe worship is important but I wonder what might happen if we spent as much time and effort doing ministry in the community.

Perhaps, if we spent more time doing ministry we could spend less time trying to figure out how to attract people to our events. Perhaps our ministry would be sufficient for them to want to worship the God who gives hearts of compassion for the community.

 

Day Off

I have never been very good at taking a day off. I have always felt a need to fill my days with activity - something productive. I suppose a part of the reason for this task orientation can be explained by, “that’s the way I’m wired.” I’m also the product of a family that believed in work. I don’t remember my dad being much at play. He would often try to make work “fun.” but it needed to be productive.

I am also the product of a culture that values productivity and activity. Whether from heritage or culture, there is this incredible pressure to be busy - doing something.

What this means is that a day off is hardly a day off. It is simply a change in activity. There is value in a change of activity. However, a change of activity is hardly the same as taking a day off - a true sabbath rest.

Is it the pressure to “produce” that keeps me active or is there something about down time - time in quiet when my mind isn’t occupied with a task that is uncomfortable? I work hard to guard a quiet time each day - a time for prayer and reflection - journaling. I have difficulty taking a day or half a day.

Like most people I have my “off days.” They are not the same as days off. “Off days” are likely an indication of the need for days off. “Off days” are those days when my intentions for being productive are far from met. The mind is not clear; the motivation is low; and productivity is hardly noticeable.

I keep telling myself and others that I need to be more diligent in taking a day off and that they need it as well; but I struggle to take it. When I do, I find myself refreshed and more productive.

I’m just beginning to learn that if I don’t take regular days off, I have more off days. That sabbath idea was a good one. Putting it into practice is the challenge.

 

Vacation reflection

We just returned from a week of vacation. We spent three nights at a B&B in Michigan. In a conversation at the end of our stay we learned that our host and hostess had spent 15+ years in pastoral ministry - Florida, Ohio and Michigan - Now they are running a B&B. Our conversation was cut short before we could learn more about that transition but I sensed there was some pain and a reluctance to return to that arena. I left with a bit of a heavy heart for them and prayed for their refreshing and renewing.

We spent several days reading on the beach along Lake Michigan. I watched  kayakers, fishermen (saw a 10 year old boy who had just caught a 17 & 14 pound king salmon and two coho salmon), sailors and jet-skiers. Inside I was ready to do it all but this was a vacation for rest. I finished four books and began a fifth. I am thankful for being able to catch up on some reading.

I was able to do my usual running - in fact did a 9 mile run on Saturday. It was a great day to be out and I felt good the entire run. Near the beginning of mile 3 a doe and two fawns crossed my path - actually stood in the road for a few moments before casually walking back into someones lawn. I encountered the same three deer on my return trip. 

I feel rested and am thankful for the time away. I think another week would be good. I fear at the end of another week, I would think another week would be good. The reading will help us continue to evaluate our ministry effectiveness. That is a good thing.

So now it is back to work - Sunday is coming.